My original intentions for this post were to tell you about some of the endings that have suddenly just appeared recently, but the more I wrote about those, the less I felt like my concluding words were anything vastly different or more impactful than what you've likely already heard, like "you just never know what's coming your way". And if you haven't yet heard that, well, I'm glad I could be the first. My current intentions for the post are to update you on life lately because a helluva lot is going on and I think you need a little taste of everything for it all to make sense.
1. MOVING & ENDING
First things first - I moved! Well, myself and all my roommates, that is. We left our little apartment that kept us cozy for two whole years and now we're a bit uncomfortable looking at the bare walls and empty rooms. I cried for three days straight - sometimes the tears came while schlepping boxes to and from wherever, and other times they came when exhaustion hit me like a wall and all I could do was cry and call Mom. This is an ending to two of the absolute best years of my life and that fact sits in my stomach like a brick.
We laughed our azzes off and we cried our eyeballs out. We danced until sweat got the best of us and we slept until the sun woke us up. I grew my blog and let it transition through phases. I've baked endless batches muffins and cookies and sweet potatoes in that kitchen. I've found the friends I am not prepared at all to let go of.
The thing with endings is that - for me at least - I'm often tied up in fears of the next chapter, too much so to think optimistically about the good it holds. Two years ago, moving into this house, I had no idea what to expect. I was scared then, too. Terrified, actually. And yet, within weeks, my roommates had me rolling off the couch onto the floor holding my stomach in that really good kind of pain laughter induces. Two years later, that still happens and that's one of the reasons I've felt terrified knowing that all - or at least about 90% of it - is coming to an end.
But I look back and realize that I've been through this before. I've seen and endured endings in my life and I will see through this one, too. It's hard to see the next good beginning when there's a tough ending fogging up the windshield, but I'm reminding myself there is a good beginning coming. Actually, it's probably already arrived and I haven't even noticed it yet. One thing I am really looking forward to in this whole process is starting this next chapter with just me. Throughout the last couple of years, I've carved out some me-time when I need it, but other than that, I spent most of my time with my girls. And don't get me wrong - I LOVE THEM, obviously because if I didn't I wouldn't be missing them. But, four years ago when I went through the most challenging moving-&-ending I have experienced up-to-date (a rough break-up right before college), I did so on my own and because of that, had every opportunity to sculpt myself into the woman I want to be. It's not that I can't do that with my friends around (in fact, they help in my discovery of myself), but I am an introvert at my core and I have been craving some self-exploration and I feel that having few people physically here with me to lean on will somehow benefit me, though it may not always feel that way.
I am a working woman! And by that I mean I'm not completely reliant on self-employment via this blog to financially support myself. When I began pursuing this as my only job, it provided everything I wanted and more in terms of income and job description, but that changed as the months went on and now I'm here wishing more than ever for some interaction with other humans. Like in person. That feels strange to say because, as I mentioned before, I am an introvert, but I've concluded that I'm an extroverted-introvert.
A week or two after school ended, I vowed to very intentionally send out my resume to a few restaurants and gyms (those are the only two places I can see myself working right now). Suddenly a popular job-search website suggested I apply for a hostess position at a restaurant inside one of the beach hotels in Pismo Beach and nothing really sounded much better than that, honestly. I met with the managers and within a day or two they brought me on the team! Since then, though, I've been doing some thinking and considering and exploring of other opportunities, and I predict some changes to come with my working situation.
Ultimately, my goal right now is to save lots of money because I am still a college student, after all, and besides "homework", "saving money" is one of the middle names that comes with the student life. My second goal and therefore second priority I keep in mind when looking for opportunities is to gain experience in the restaurant industry, more on the casual dining/cafe side of the spectrum (which is not where I am right now working in this restaurant, but it's still useful experience). In ten or so years from now, I hope to have my own cafe up and running, so right now I want to gather knowledge on how to even do so because I feel as clueless as I did in my hardest chemistry class. And my third goal is to involve myself more in this community. It is a wonderful community, to say the very least, and I want to meet the farmers from whom I buy my produce at the market. I want to know the chefs and baristas and waitresses at my favorite places to eat. You know?
It's technically not a word, but we don't worry about small things like that here on this blog. During our first week of summer, Grace (bff/roommate - remember?) and I took on this triple-hike challenge and as we trotted ever-so-not-gracefully down the last of the three hikes, I listed off a few things I really want to do this summer and she looked back at me with a grin and said, "It's like you come out of hibernation when school is out". HAHAHA. It's true. My other friends backed that statement up. I can't help it! My classes this year were intense times a million, and hibernation is actually a very accurate description. What else would you call a routine like this: wake up, workout, go to class, go to more class, study, more class, come home, and keep studying 'til bedtime? To think that I missed out on several fun outings with friends makes me tear up sometimes, but I know that I'm pursuing my passion and there are inevitable sacrifices sometimes.
So, when school is out and doesn't require 90% of the energy I have each day, I. Want. To. Have. Fun. And I have been having so much fun during this first month of summer. My friends and I are fans of happy hour, beach days, Bachelorette nights (go Blake!), and even going to the bars downtown (yes - I stay up past my bedtime and drink alcohol on occasion), among a long list of other things. One day, Grace and I spent the entire morning watching This Is Us and I felt like a kid watching cartoons all day on Saturday. It was awesome. Oh, and last weekend, one of our best friend's married than man she has loved for the last three years and it was a wedding to remember forever. We love you, Phoebe and Brent!
Summers in SLO are indescribable. Almost perfect. Ehh, they're actually probably perfect.
And that's life lately! Thanks for reading along here and following along wherever else I am. This blog means the world to me and I plan to continue pursuing it - I just need to find a... what's that word? Oh, yes - balance :)