GUESS WHO JUST RAN. That's right - you heard me. R A N.
To the fridge? No. To the bathroom? Definitely not. To the love of her life (read: cinnamon rolls, Prince Charming, and/or kitchen of her dreams)? Not yet.
I just finished my second mile this week after a full year off from running, and I had absolutely zero/zilch/no expectations at all of running again, let alone this soon. Maybe you read about how I felt when God said "no" to running and a few other habits I held onto. Once I accepted that, I felt like I bought a one-way ticket to never-running-again-land. After eight years of lacing up my shoes a few times each week to escape stress, to hear myself think, to move my restless legs, I didn't feel ready to let it go, but I did feel ready to hold God's hand along whatever path He wanted to take me down.
It's in my blood to (try to) predict the future, and the couple ounces of pessimism also in my blood programmed me to believe this was a straight path with no room for running. Swallowing the pill, at first, felt a little bit like choking, but thank God for a God who wouldn't let that happen in faith. He answered my prayers for acceptance and trust with exactly that - acceptance of my body's abilities (a direct result of the damage done during my ED) and trust in His plans for the future (while filtering out my genetic tendency of self-prediction).
Staying active through intense exercise like HIIT, swimming, cycling, and weight-training, as well as not-so-intense forms like walking and yoga-ing is a part of my everyday routine, so subtracting running from the large mix didn't leave me empty-handed. Initially, I thought this was just a challenge of accepting my body's abilities and caring for it with unconditional love.
Unconditional love. For myself. From myself.
And with that, in came unexpected (and certainly unwanted, at the time) weight-gain. With unconditional love, God saved me from further body damage via much-needed extra pounds. With unconditional love, I gave myself grace in accepting and finally embracing those pounds. They aren't essential in the definition of me, nor do they give any indication of the woman He's made me into.
Still, I occasionally look at them with an "ugh", a sigh in remembrance of the thinner (yet no more desirable) figure I used to live in.
Every so often, however, the sighs decrease in frequency, as I fall more and more in love with the Haley God desires (hallelujah). As I took the last couple strides of my second mile this week after 12 months free of running, I felt yet another wave of gratitude for everything those last 12 months brought crash over me.
I CAN RUN! Renewed ability to move my legs like they used to probably isn't the sole reason God helped me accept and embrace weight gain, but it certainly is a perk of the hard werk :)
Now, I sigh with still bit a of disbelief that this is actually happening, that I'm actually lacing my running shoes again. That deserves another hallelujah, eh? May God strengthen and bless you with the ability to accept and embrace whatever challenge you're faced with!
Makes 2 rolls, about 4-15 servings
4 tbsp. Kite Hill chive almond cream cheese
1/2 red bell pepper
1 large carrot
1 cup spinach
2 whole-grain tortillas
- Thinly slice the bell pepper and carrot, about the thickness of a pen or pencil. Set aside.
- Spread 2 tbsp. almond cream cheese evenly over each tortilla, then top with 1/2 cup spinach. Lay one slice of bell pepper at one end of the tortilla, followed by a slice of carrot. Repeat, alternating between bell pepper and carrot until you reach the 2/3 line, if you will, of the tortilla.
- Carefully fold in the side with the pepper closest to the edge and roll up the tortilla. Slice into sushi-like pieces and stick toothpicks through each piece to hold it together.
- Serve immediately, or refrigerate for up to one week.