This is more than just a grilled cheese with extra protein and thick-sliced bread.
I look at it as a reflection of my growth, and also my return to... me. Throughout the past couple of years, I've gone through several shifts in not just my diet, but also my relationship with food and my body. Going from highly restrictive eater (for 2-3 years), to vegetarian (for 6 months), to vegan (for almost 2 years) took a heavy toll on my sense of self that I didn't realize until now.
Letting food dictate my life, I lost a lot of energy for my passions - cooking (and cooking all foods), exercising, reading, writing, and more. I'm not trying to be a Debbie-Downer in any way, but rather an encouragement, so let's get to that part.
I've said before that I finally feel more and more like the girl whom God desires me to be, but I have to say it again because it just feels so true. It's not that I feel like who I used to be because who I used to be never knew such freedom. Who I used to be never felt such peace. Who I used to be never thought she could know and love a self like the self God has introduced to her.
Growth in such a way - one that pulls you FAR out of a comfort zone - can be absolutely terrifying. First, it can feel like a potential destruction of your reputation, whatever that be. Then, it can feel totally, completely, almost painfully uncomfortable (duh). And finally, with faith, it will - yes, WILL - feel... well, right.
Anyway, I don't want to be all serious in this post because borrrrrrrring. Also, I just read through Bon Appetit's latest issue, in which writers reveal and discuss the top 10 restaurants in America, the #1 of which happens to be a dive-y sandwich place that serves stacks of mayo + tomato + sunflower seeds + herbs and riffs on bologna sandwiches that actually taste good and other mind-boggling, mouth-watering items I couldn't stop reading and raving about yesterday as I laid on the beach with my friends (who were way less than interested in the funky sandwiches).
I closed the magazine feeling inspired and hungry for not just sandwiches, but spiced up sandwiches that re-create old favorites and tell their stories with every bite full of flavors and textures. When making this sandwich, I had none of that. Really. It was kind of just a sandwich (in contrast to the first line of this post) that I threw together because the combinations sounded good that day. Now, though, as I reflect, I see that it was both unintentional and intentional - unintentional on my part, and intentional on God's. HA wow. Ain't that crazy?
It's deli turkey and cheese stuffed between slices of thick bread and grilled, but it's more than that, too. Ten years ago, this was my childhood self's absolute favorite sandwich (made by Mom, of course), and was usually served beside Campbell's tomato soup for dipping. Five years ago, the cheese would've been removed because dairy has fat (and that fat was seen as "bad" by the self that consumed me at the time) and no oil would've been used to grill and create a buttery crisp. One year ago, no sandwich would've even existed in my diet because, well, because turkey and cheese are not vegan.
Ahhhhhh! My heart is unbelievably happy with this seemingly simple sandwich because it shines the spotlight on the work of God's hands that removed a controlling diet mentality and a paralyzing fear of foods.
What is representing you growth lately?! Tell me more below!
Makes 1 sandwich
3-4 oz. sliced deli turkey
1 oz. smoked gouda
1-2 tbsp. honey mustard (regular mustard works)
Your favorite greens (I used collard greens)
2 thick slices whole-grain bread
Oil or butter, for the pan
- Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat and coat with oil or butter.
- On both slices of bread, spread even amounts of honey mustard. On one slice, lay the cheese, then greens, then turkey and place this slice into the pan. Reduce heat to medium-low and cover.
- Cook until cheese is mostly melted and top with the other slice of bread. Flip the sandwich, carefully and using a spatula, and cook on the other side until golden brown and crisp.
- Remove from heat and slice in half. Serve immediately.